I would say the catalyst was breaking up with my long time boyfriend in 2009. I don’t know what really happened, but something inside of me just started running and eating less. I lost 30 pounds between the Spring of 2009 and the Summer of 2010.
Things have changed in the last 18 months. Job changed. Room mate/sister moved. Began working at a winery on the weekends. Started dating the same man for longer than a month. Grad School.
The result has been more eating and less running.
I’ve gained 20 pounds. So frustrating.
You wouldn’t think 20 pounds would impact your life so much. It does.
The way I feel about myself at work and in school is different. I compare myself with other women during dates. I just feel gross and want to spend all my time in a terry robe eating ice cream on my couch. I wish I was kidding.
The amount of self loathing that I can produce is insane.
My sister spent a lot of time with me during the holidays. If you knew my sister and myself you would say that I am the bossy one. I lead our relationship. What you don’t know is that when I am with my sister, I try to be a better version of myself. I want to work out. I want eat less. I want deep clean my apartment.
I started running again while she was in town. I already feel better about myself. I am looking forward to the upcoming months before she moves in with me. By May, I’ll be ready for a summer of swimsuits and running with her!
Realizing my triggers and learning what my body responds to are big issues that some people never get a handle on. I am very happy to come to this awareness and looking forward to making myself proud.
What did last year teach you in retrospect?
