We were alone and I was singing this song for you

BSpoeVUKTgw

He played one of my favorite workout songs!

I Workout!

Did anyone else catch Will Valderrama in that video?

Anyways, I am getting a little sidetracked.

I was a little frustrated with my fitness level.  I used to be able to power through that class no problem.  I had to put down my weights at the end.  I guess I will just have to work on it.

Planning on a 10k in March!  It is helping me stay focused on working out.  With my crazy schedule, I often want to skip it.  Many times I jump on my Pinterest account and check out pictures for inspiration.  Staring at Will’s abs definitely make me want to sweat. 

There is no purpose.

Every morning, I walk into my office and shut the door behind me.  I write a to do list.  I just try to get through the day without going crazy.  During work, I find myself irritable with even the people that walk by my window.  In meetings, I can’t concentrate and I am annoyed with the superiors.  There is no praise, little direction and great expectations.  I would like to work out or spend time with friends during my free time, but after feeling trapped all day, I am emotionally exhausted.

I have to do something.  So I googled.

• Personal Growth

Race Trap suggested viewing work as a place for personal growth.  I get that.  That is why I have started graduate school.  I mix my current work with what I am learning.  What else can I do?  I should challenge myself to create the most organized and complete data system on VIP’s.  That would be beneficial.  I could teach myself Adobe and create an editable pdf for our customer forms.  Ok.  There are a few things.

• Connect with People

Race Trap also suggested connecting with people.  In the last two months, I have kept the door closed to my office.  I need to once a week visit the office across the street.  Perhaps I can organize a fun lunch or a run.  Maybe I could bring a few wines for people to taste after work.

• Focus on the Good

Think Simple Now suggested being positive.  Think of the good things in your job.  I can listen to music.  There are wonderful people that I work for.  I have my own private area.  I do work that is essential to my employers.

I don’t know if this will solve my issues, but I think it will help.  What do you do as a pick me up during work?

Did the New Year happen?  I must be in la la land like a crazy cat lady.

It feels like a month since January 1st.

I have been thinking about 2012.  What do I really want to experience?

• For over 2 years, I have wanted to run a mini marathon.  If I don’t do this before I am 30, I will be disappointed!
• 4.0 GPA is a must!
• $3,000 in my emergency account would relieve my stress.
• Happiness and peace with my extended family.

What are the things that really don’t matter?

• If I don’t get the promotion that has been promised for over 10 months.
• My romantic relationships are out of my control.
• Pleasing people that have no desire to reciprocate the relationship.
• Going on the perfect vacations.

What does that mean for the last three weeks of January?

It means I need to get my butt out of bed in the morning and be able to run 5 miles without a problem by the 31st.  I means I need to be prepared for every class.  It means I need to wisely spend my money and work hard to keep my job.  It means I need to get my Christmas thank you cards out there. 

What are the few things that are really important for your 2012?

Things have changed in the last 18 months.  Job changed.  Room mate/sister moved.  Began working at a winery on the weekends.  Started dating the same man for longer than a month.  Grad School.

The result has been more eating and less running.

I’ve gained 20 pounds.  So frustrating.

You wouldn’t think 20 pounds would impact your life so much.  It does.

The way I feel about myself at work and in school is different.  I compare myself with other women during dates.  I just feel gross and want to spend all my time in a terry robe eating ice cream on my couch.  I wish I was kidding.

The amount of self loathing that I can produce is insane.

My sister spent a lot of time with me during the holidays.  If you knew my sister and myself you would say that I am the bossy one.  I lead our relationship.  What you don’t know is that when I am with my sister, I try to be a better version of myself.  I want to work out.  I want eat less.  I want deep clean my apartment.

I started running again while she was in town.  I already feel better about myself.  I am looking forward to the upcoming months before she moves in with me.  By May, I’ll be ready for a summer of swimsuits and running with her!

Realizing my triggers and learning what my body responds to are big issues that some people never get a handle on.  I am very happy to come to this awareness and looking forward to making myself proud.

What did last year teach you in retrospect?

I wasn’t too crazy about Ben, but then I realized that disliking Ashley had a lot to do with my perception of him.  Ben seems like a nice enough guy.  He is into wine so that is a plus.

Did anyone else think that almost every contestant had plastic surgery?

What about the girl that kept complaining?  You know…the one that made a big deal about grandma girl, hat girl and sash girl then busted out a rap.  Ewww!  I would have been so embarrassed if I had been Ben.

I loved the nurse that became the guardian for her siblings.  She is so one of my top 5 despite her crazy amount of plunge.

Monique might have been a bit too lovey dovey with her gal pal, but I loved her response to everything.  “I don’t know you.”  “I don’t know him.”  “I DON’T KNOW YOU!”

Model girl is going to be a crazy killer.  I can picture her with a knife lurking the hallways.

I also couldn’t believe how many of the girls were downing the wine so fast.  Wine does not make you pretty.  It might make you feel pretty, but it actually does the opposite.  Not to mention, it might make you blow things out of proportion like Crazy Jenna!

Oh Jenna.  She made every mistake.  Then again, I’ve looked back at evenings out and been appalled at my behavior.  She will have plenty material for her relationship blog after the show.  What are one of your worst nights?

Once I went on a date with a guy that didn’t interest me.  I drank too much.  I blabbed about personal issues and past relationships.  Subconsciously, I wanted it to be the last date.  I just wish I had behaved better and declined his invite instead of being unladylike.  Oh well.

Perhaps, Jenna is trying to get free counseling out of this.

I couldn’t leave her at home.  I guess I could have stayed at home with her, but I feel so lazy taking days off that I don’t have something specifically planned.  Perhaps I could enjoy the Holidays more if I just allowed myself to relax.  I feel guilty sleeping till 9, watching tv for consecutive hours and not stepping foot into the gym.  This is something I need to deal with.

We finally had snowfall in Indiana.  Of course I wanted to take a long drive in it.

It wasn’t too bad, but drivers are ridiculous.  Be vigilant.  Be aware.  DON’T USE YOUR BREAKS GOING UP A HILL!!!!!  I was more than a little frustrated, but my sister and I finally made it to our destination and I righted my plummeting blood sugar level.

Beyond that, I count myself very fortunate with wonderful friends and family.  Happy Holidays.

That is how I have recently felt about this blog and a million other things.

I miss my lists.  I miss my goals.  I miss recounting funny stories.  I miss doing insane things just to blog about them.

Why did I stop?  Life got in the way.

In the last year; I spent my weekends at a winery, started grad school and dabbled in romance.  Hard to believe that a year ago, I was miserable while working the Holidays at a closing jewelry store.  My day job office situation was unbearable.  I was completely romantically confused.  There was no direction to any aspect of my life.  I was thinner, but alas being happy can change that.

This has been an eventful year!

And besswess.wordpress.com, I am sorry I didn’t document the steps with you.

To be honest, I needed a break.

So, what have I missed?  What have my old blogging friends been up to?

This marks the fourth week of morning workouts.

Granted, I was in Vegas and attending conferences in the middle. So these four weeks are not consecutive, but still…..

A funny thing happens when you develop a routine. You spend more time with people that have the same routine.

I work for a university. On our campus, we have two gyms available. One was built in the 1960′s the other was built in 1995. Both have large swimming pools, tracks, courts, weight rooms and a large amount of cardio machines. Not to mention they are several stories and thousands of feet long and wide.

Of course, the older one is nearer my office. So, I rented a locker in the newly renovated locker rooms.

Interesting fact: College students do not work out at 6:00 am. In fact before 10:00 am, both gyms are a ghost town.

Hello? Is anyone there?

My friends and I have encountered a few other 6:00 am enthusiasts. They are varied in personality and actions, but provide us with a large amount of entertainment.

• Towel Man: Towel man is about 70. He stops at Burger King for a breakfast sandwich every morning before work. As soon as he arrives in the equipment room, oldies music is immediately playing from the radio. Most mornings he teases us, unless we try to scan our cards ourselves. He is very particular about how our gym cards are scanned.
• Sal: Sal actually signed us up for our lockers. He was at the front desk which is usually occupied by a rather sour-faced middle aged woman. We had such a great time with Sal we forgot our paperwork. Of course, I called the front desk when I got to work. That is when I discovered his name was Salvatore. What 30 year old man in the Midwest has the name Salvatore? A very Italian one!
• Skinny Old Professor: Tall, bald, large eighties mustache, rather gaunt and bipolar. The Professor is actually a professor. One of my girlfriends had him during her masters. He annoys me most of the time. He places himself on the very center elliptical machine in the middle of the room and coughs. He coughs all the time! Oh and he reads the paper while exercising. Of course, we should know that when he is reading the paper we cannot turn on the fans…duh! There was no airflow one morning, so I turned on all the fans on low. He got off his machine and turned them off. Excuse me? He isn’t all bad. Sometimes, he attempts to banter with us. I usually ignore him because of that stupid fan stunt. Mess with my fan and you are dead to me.
• Karate Kid: Weight room student worker also is studying martial arts as his degree. Can you really study that? Who goes to college to learn to kill someone? Don’t those people just join the military or a dojo? Hmmmm? Anyways, this guys is super nice. We ask him ridiculous questions and just this morning he corrected my posture. I don’t know if that is nice.
• Brian: Brian is a good-looking, hulky 26 year-old that works with me at the winery. He is married with two little girls. He is usually a bit groggy in the morning, but is always up for a few joking comments. Brian is definitely a weight dropper. I think he has tapered back is dropping. We made fun of him for it. Seriously dudes, if you have so little strength left that you have to drop the weights from three feet from the ground, you should get lighter weights.
• Lauren: I actually only know her name is Lauren because when she went to the bathroom, I looked at her id and then tried to spy on her via Facebook. Yeah. I am a creeper. But Lauren is nuts. She runs to the gym, jumps on the elliptical for 30, jumps on the treadmill for 30 then does various mat work exercises in front of the weights instead of the matwork area. Her matwork is rather suggestive. I think she is trying to impress Brian. We smile at her, but she has no interest in making friends at the gym. She usually finishes her workout with a few more floor exercises in the bathroom and then runs home. Nuts.
• Misc: Of course, we also have a smattering of other characters. The poor undergrad female worker completely confused about scanning in. The night maintenance crew that used to be on the most wanted list from their appearance. The stick-skinny German lady that talks to the Professor when he isn’t reading. The strange old woman that told my friend she looked good…..

I would say that I have enjoyed getting a routine. I wonder what these regulars would say about my friends and me…..

I wish Snookie went to our gym! The stories I would tell!